


> hello sarah

by YaYaSestrahood



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen, Working through my grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 12:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11230962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YaYaSestrahood/pseuds/YaYaSestrahood
Summary: She comes back one night. Not as the ghost, the constant blur in the corner of Sarah’s eye. Tonight, she is this, green text on a black background on Sarah’s desktop.> hello sarah





	> hello sarah

_She comes back one night._ Not as the ghost, the constant blur in the corner of Sarah’s eye. Tonight, she is _this,_ green text on a black background on Sarah’s desktop.

 

> hello sarah

 

Sarah’s heart stops, restarts. She knows. It’s impossible, but somehow she knows.

“Mika?”

 

> it’s good to see you

 

Sarah is crying, sudden and violent. She wants to say something, any of the thousands of things she wished she could say after what happened, but instead she cries.

 

> please don’t cry sarah

 

“I’m sorry, Mika.”

It’s all she can force out through the tears. It’s all she can remember to say. And what good is it now? What good is it after what happened?

“Are you… okay?”

Stupid question. _Stupid._ Of course she’s not okay. Nothing is okay.

“Is Niki there with you?”

 

> would that make it easier for you?

 

Sarah curls in on herself, stomach in pulsing knots. Her body is hollowed out.

“I’m sorry,” she says again. Helpless.

_“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…”_

 

> why are you sorry sarah?

 

“I let him live!” she screams to an empty room. Her voice rips painfully through her throat, and she deserves it.

“He should be dead, rotting in the _fucking_ ground!”

She hits something. An empty mug, she realizes as it tumbles and clatters against the floor. Not enough. She swats at the lamp by her side. It smashes into pieces against the wall, one nicks her arm and she’s bleeding. Not enough. Nothing will ever be enough.

_“I killed you.”_

 

> no sarah

 

“He was meant to die that night. He was meant to _burn._ And I was meant to protect you, Mika. Instead, I…”

Her voice catches and evaporates, and she hates herself. She is the very worst thing. It should have been her. _It should have been her._

 

> you have to forgive yourself

 

“How can I?!” she screams. She screams at the dead girl, because that’s who Sarah is.

 

> you’re strong

 

_No._

 

> you’re strong sarah

 

_No. No. No._

 

> i forgive you and i love you

 

Sarah bites down hard on her lip.

“I love you, Veera,” she whimpers. She’s filled with the feeling of it, and it’s something that isn’t guilt or hate, and she needs it. “I love you.”

The window blinks and disappears and MK is gone.

Mika is gone.

Veera is gone.

Sarah holds her knees to her chest and cries. Tonight, she’ll cry and scream until her throat bleeds.

Tomorrow, she’ll fight. For her sisters. _For Veera Suominen._


End file.
